I left the

I left the faith years ago after discovering the JQ and believing our faith as presented in Christianity was meant to weaken us. I still believe in God but believe paganism and any alternative belief system is the worship of actual demons who desire child sacrifice. I have all the negative evidence one could want about the existence of demons as described from a biblical view from personal experience to realizing the nature of the satanic elite who are probably at least correct about what they are worshipping. I wish, very strongly at times, to return to what I hope would be a better stronger and true understanding and faith in Christ, but I seem unable to genuinely make that leap. I feel genuinely cursed and believe there is a spiritual warfare aspect as well. Everything in my life has gone wrong to unbelievable levels since leaving the faith. For an instance I am trying to set up a homestead on raw land and I have about fifteen broken axe handles and have had four chainsaws from different brands all of which have had manufacturing defects, as acknowledged by the dealers, not just me being retarded. I think turning to Christ is the obvious sokution to that problem, but it feels very much like converting for material rather than spiritual reasons, if that makes sense.

I am sorry for the length, but feel it may help to have people know what is going on before the pray for me.

Thank you either way. I ask that I be shown truth and be able to respond in faith.